Can-fidence

    When I was a child, I was usually picked on to join school contests such as singing contests on Buwan ng Wika, math quizzes, and more. I would often place 2^nd, 3^rd, or below. I was blessed with the support of my family, the school, and my friends, who praised my achievements even if I wasn’t in 1^st place. This filled me with happiness and confidence. As I continued my journey in primary school, there were also competitions that involved using one's hands, like fruit carving and even volleyball. I eagerly participated in the events, but as I tried, I failed miserably. I felt a sense of hopelessness and embarrassment, reaching a point where I felt like I was besmirching my own name. It was then that I realized that there were some things that I wasn’t good at. My parents gave me a piece of advice that I will never forget: “It is better to try than never at all. Because if you don’t try, that is true failure”.

  Now the question is, what one word would best describe me? With the uncountable memories and experiences that have shaped my 15 years of existence, I chose the word “can”. Indeed, it is kind of odd why I did not choose an adjective or a metaphor but rather a verb. “Can” generally implies being able to do something or having the ability to accomplish a task.

    When the pandemic began, I put my attention more into social media and gaming than exploring and understanding myself on a deeper level. I missed out on the chance for self-discovery and personal growth as I got caught up in the distractions and immediate satisfaction offered by modern technology in the online world. When face-to-face classes resumed, I initially felt scared and nervous because my brain had been dormant and dull for almost three years. I might give the wrong answers during recitations or receive low marks on tests, although I told myself that I can do this. However, I vividly recall the time back then, in 9th grade, when I got a 4/15 on my first English quiz. I bawled my eyes out that night, though my father comforted me by reminding me that it was just the first quiz and I had nothing to worry about because he had faith that I can bounce back and I can do better next time. His words turned out to be true, as I eventually excelled in my studies and achieved outstanding results in my subjects.

    At present, I am 15 years old and a 10th-grade student at Ilocos Sur National High School. Although I couldn’t stop thinking and asking the question, "Who am I?" or "What’s my purpose in life when I’m not even good at anything?" But throughout my voyage, there may not yet be a specific thing that I'm really good at the most or my number one talent, which isn’t a bad thing. I am still a teenager who’s still experimenting and exploring for answers. Hopefully, over time, I can answer that question. But in the meantime, I can be whoever I want to be. I can do this and do that. I can achieve my goals, I can overcome my fears, I can be helpful to others, I can maintain a positive mindset, and more. I can be a responsible, resilient, and flexible human being. However, it's important to take note that even though I "can" do something, there may still be limitations or challenges involved. Yet, it doesn’t stop me from trying simply because I can.